Pikmins With Onions
by YTP Bingewatch
Summary: Random pikmin shit. May contain a tiny moment of weird fetish.


Pikmin3 episode 1: death crapping on alph

Disclaimer: Pikmin belongs to Nintendo, Some character names belong to Peridork- Smol Forme

Chapter 1: pikmin names

Blue/cyan leafs

Cassie- a green pikmin that switched to a cyan leaf.

Sarah- a red cyan leaf pikmin.

Isabella- a yellow cyan leaf pikmin

Anthony- a drunk purple blue leaf pikmin

Other moron gang- a group of 46 stupid blue leafs.

Pink/red leafs

Kaylee- a pink leaf winged pikmin

Sam- a strong rock pikmin with a red leaf

Lily- a beautiful blue pikmin with a pink leaf

Daniel- a red pikmin that switched to a red leaf

Rosie- a Bulbmin with a pink leaf

Boomer- a red leaf purple pikmin

Julie- a pink leaf red pikmin. even though she is female she is considered a fighter.

Gary- a red leaf yellow pikmin

Olimar. JR- an orange purple

leaf pikmin. He is too young too fight still.

Others- 41 other red and pink leafs

Chapter 2: in the morning

At the blue/ cyan onion

Itene: Good morning everyone!

Moron 5: To you too Cassie.

Alph: C'mon idiots! Get up!

Rosie: OMGYOUARESTUPIDANDDIE!

And at that moment Irene died.

Cassie: No! My sister is dead!

Cassie: You stupid dog! You killed her...

Rosie: That's what you get for almost killing me you jerk!

Alph: Get the hell out of here yo-

Daniel came in and punched his old master.

Daniel: And that's what you get for treating me like crap!(runs off)

Back at the Redmin onion...

Olimar: How'd it go guys? Did you kill Irene?

Rosie: Yes! I bit her neck and Daniel kicked Alph's ass!

Olimar: Good! I think your all gonna be glad that all we need is the Heroines tear and apple. Boomer get the apple.  
Gaia,Pikmar,Glaive,Sam,Zest Bomb,Charrma,456,Oplet,Daniel,  
and Diebun get the mango.

Chapter 3: Happy Bella's golden laugh

Isabella: This day sucks! I hate today!

Oplet: Oh it'll be worse.

Isabella: What? Who's there? Ill kill you!

Oplet: AHHHHHHHH LAAAAAATITITITITTIAAAAAAAA.

Isabella: What the heck?!

Oplet sprayed Bella's face with the ultra fattening spray.

Isabella: (Laughs as she holds her belly tightly.)

Isabella: (stops) My stomach hurts. What did you do to me?

Silences.

Isabella: Aw he left.

Then her belly started growing.

It grew as big as a marble.

Isabella: Hee Hee! Wait a minute. When I laugh I sound like gold! It's wonderful! Maybe Oplet has feelings for me...

FLASHBACK

Isabella: Hmm I wonder who this is from. (reads note)

Isabella: No... Why would he leave me?!

Flashback ends

Chapter 4: the brook in which was parched lol

Isabella: Anthony, do you think that Lily and Daniel are annoying?

Anthony: Duh. Yeah. They're as obnoxious as Survine and Terriver from 2011.

Isabella: That reminds me...

FLASHBACK Isabella: Hey Lily isn't it funny?

Lily: Yes it is. This was a great scene!

END OF FLASHBACK

Alph: Okay fellas, we have a new member who is probably going to die. Behold our new member Jacob!

Jacob: Hi everyone!(gasps) Hi Isabella!

Isabella has known Jacob since third grade and has secretly had feelings for him.

Isabella: Uh,h-hi Jacob.

Jacob: I have something to ask you during training later. See ya.

Isabella: I have something to tell you too. Ya know, during training.

Jacob: Really? Great then it's settled.

Jacob: Oh and uh, what happened to your stomach?

Isabella: ...

Jacob: Ha! I'm just playing. Anyway have a good day.

Authors note: if you are reading this part please take note that Jacob is a pikmin not a twilight reference. If you think that then you are a three year old bitch you idiot! Also, these people in this story were actually real names of people I knew not basing it off of fukin twilight!

3 hours later

Chapter 5: Love at first sight

Oplet goes go visit his friends in the blue onion.

Oplet: Hey Lily hey-

Oplet: Daniel? You live here?

Daniel: No.

Oplet: Oh.

Daniel: I'd rather visit here. Besides, those guys are morons.

Lily: Yeah, He's right.

Oplet: I have good news and I have bad news.

Lily: Okay tell us.

Oplet: the good news is they got a new stupid member.

Oplet: the bad news is Bella and him are in love!

Lily: (blushes) That reminds me...

The next day...

Professor. Plasmin: Okay, pikmin from both sides please report to the blue pathway center for science class!

Prof. Plasmin: Everyone go to their tables.

Prof. Plasmin: Today's lesson is on electricity! So get a yellow pikmin from your group for this project.

Jacob: Attention! Everyone in our group is awesome... Except Sarah.

Rest of blue team: (laughs)

Isabella: Wow Jacob, you really know how to flatter a girl!

Jacob: Gee thanks.

Sarah:(thinks) I can't believe that giraffe legged moron is in love with that crapper.

Prof. Plasmin: The red side has successfully finished the project with the help of Philly and 7 more yellows. Yet the blue side hasn't even started, so congrats!

Chapter 6: weirdness of all kinds

A little later Lily and Daniel were taking a walk when Daniel saw some pikmin singing. And that's not all but they had gems on their body parts!

Steven: (singing altogether) Never eat shit!

Pearl: Good now, send the rest of them!

Garnet: Have fear.

Pearl and Amethyst: Grosicle.

Garnet: All ring the bell. Snap.

Pearl and Amethyst: Oh yeah, well now she won't crap.

Steven: Ash might nuke a fishnip.

Pearl and Amethyst: Well it appears we won't lick, moms super drill!

Garnet: Ew.

Daniel: The heck...

Lily: Daniel did you see that?

Daniel: Yes I did. What are those pikmin doing?

Lily: I don't know but I noticed that they have gems on their body parts.

Mean wile Sarah and Cassie walk up and ask some questions

Sarah: You wanna ask Lily? Because I bet she will think u r mean!(walks away)

Cassie: Is it true?

Lily: Hey, you said it not me. But look at them!

Cassie: Wow, that little winged pikmin is so cute!

Lily: You know sometimes you sound like Brittany.

Chapter 7: the fruit that caused the cyans pain

Olimar: Hmm it seems that they're on the tower this time. But I have a plan that will change it all.

Olimar JR: Yes boss! I think the rock pikmin and Louie would be great for this mission!

2 hours later...

Gaia: Perfect time boss! We need the velvety dreamdrop to win but its on the tower.

Olimar: No worries, Gaia. Louie will take care of it!

Louie: Yes. And if it goes successfully, I will make us some nectar jubilee.

Pikmar: My squad and I shall get the golden sunseed and all the cupids granades we can find if the plan backfires.

Olimar: I think we should get that stuff whether or not the plan works. Now get moving my loyal squads!

Squads: Yoo-hah!

Meanwhile...

Alph: Okay fellas we can't lose this time. So ill take all of you with me!

Leaf freeze: Um sir you might wanna take a look.

Alph: Wut?(looks) AUUGGGH-KAUGH! Pikcaptains ATTACK!

Pikcaptains: CHARGE!

Louie: Retreet! Retreet! Ill fight dem off!

The Ship: Red team wins! Now hurry up Louie.

At the Bloomin side...

Alph: Geez! Every time they do that! And it's always with the velvety dream drop.

Brittany: Well you still have me.

Sarah: Um boss, the captain will see u now.

Lol it says abs.

Charlie: Welcome Alph, I heard you got foiled again?

Alph: Yes, but its always with the velvety dream drop!

Charlie: Well here's the plan: every time that they need a velvety dream drop don't let them get it.  
Alph: Well shit, that's a good idea.

Oplet: Oh so I guess we need to set up a con. And I know exactly what to do. Gaia, get the squad ready for tomorrow so we can get our stuff.

The next day they were at Arid Metropolis. And they needed a golden sunseed or an armored cannon beetle and the plan was in position.

Olimar: Pikcaptains, Oplet told me the plan so lets get ready! Diebun and Charrma go near a squad and make sure they hear that we need a flighty burrow nit or a sunseed berry.

Diebun: All right!

Charrma: Lez do thiz!( both walk over to nearest squad)

Charrma: Well, Diebun it looks like all we need is the flighty joustmite or a sunseed berry.

Girby: C'mon lets git their stuff!

Meanwhile Olimar found the stuff he needed and won!

Though the other pikmin were sad, they didn't know it was a trick. So the Redmin thought they should do the same thing again the next battle! But if they did they needed to keep it a secret from the blue sides spymin. Or will Oplet, their spy get their secrets first?

Chapter 8: Tar the spotty bulbear

Tar: Halt! You can't get past me!

Pikmar: Oh yeah? Well we have bombs!

Tar: Ow darn.  
(Explosions)

Tar: Yes I'm alive!

Diebun: Not for lonngg.

Tar: AAAIIIIIIEEEEE!

The pikmin took in the bulbear.

All of a sudden a green leaf pikmin strolled by.

Lily:(deep voice) Who the heck ar yu?!

?: AAAHHHH! I-I'm Renee.

Lily: Which side are you on? Blue or red?

Renee: But I'm not a battle pikmin.

Lily: Oh.(takes off mask)

Renee:(lovestruck) Okay. Can I join your side?

Lily: I guess. But you'll have to ask Olimar.

The purple pikmin walks up to Olimar.

Olimar: Oh hello there. Are you a mission mode pikmin?

Renee: No. I don't know how I got here. At first I was with Syacho, then I fainted, and now-

Olimar: ... Uh ya sure kid.

Renee: Do you need-

Olimar: No not quite but you could join us if you drink this red nectar.

Renee: OK thanks!

Olimar: Better get going to gym class. Coach Ivory is gonna teach you how to be goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood at hockey!

At hockey...

Coach Ivory: Okay Bloomin and Redmin, today is tyme for hockey! We will have two teams of course. Now lets start.

Isabella: I got the puck!(trips) Ow.

Renee: Ha! I got you now!(body slams Isabella)

Lily: Yes we won!

Renee:(lovestruck) Aah, Aah, ano sora ni, koi to ka shinagara.

Jacob: Ooooooooh. I sense a bf and a gf coming on!

Lily: Oh grow up. I'm already taken.

Renee ignored this.

Chapter 9: pikmin splodey

The next day, the Bloomin went to silver lake to get some more fruit to save Koppai.

Arti: Hey idiots, git out!(shoots splodey balls)

Crachead: Oof! Ow that hurt!

Alph: ATTACK!

Arti: (laughs) Dodge this!(shoots)

Then a splodey ball hit Alph only and of course made him look like an idiotic simpleton. Right into the electric gate.

Arti: Oh yeah!(shoots)

This time the whole team got hit except a lone blue pikmin.

654: Wow now that was owned.

Charlie:...

Brittany: Well?

Alph: Go attack him you simpleton!

654: Fine. But it's you that is the simpleton.(attacks)

Arti: (British accent) PISS OFF!( shoots rapidly)

Alph: Your calling me stupid eh?! Well yo-(gets shot)

654: Go Arti! (smokes cigarette)

Ever wonder how Pikmin 3 bingo battle came to be?  
Well I'm not gonna tell ya! I bet you really thought i was gonna tell ya!

Alph: Ill keel you!( grabs 654 and throws into splodey ball)

654: Waaaaaah! I'm telling Olimar!

Alph: Shut. Up. Now.(grabs)

Boss battle music plays!

Chapter 10: hilarious writing story's

Prof. Plasmin: Okay every pik get out your storys. Ill read your story's!

Prof. Plasmin: Ugh. As if these story's weren't bad enough. (reads the crap)

Prof. Plasmin: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Poor Bulbmin. And yes he is an adult Bulbmin. Aka Rosie's dad.

That afternoon...

Alph: Pikmin, it's time for-(bang) for-(bang) omfg. Charlie wat did ja do to the crappin window!?

Sam:(lunges himself into window) Oh Yea!

Alph: I'm gonna kick your butts!

Sam:(looks in house) You freak!(runs)

Alph: Fuccya asshole!

Meanwhile...

Prof. Plasmin: Hears your homework everybody.

Cassie: Sarah gets extra homework!

Philly: Actually that's mine.

Cassie: Why would you want work anyways?

Philly: Gaia Pikmin Attack!

Philly knew that Cassie had a point so she attacked her using her only move.

Cassie: Ow! Okay okay, I won't bully you!(gets up) Oh no my leg is stuck in the chair!

Cassie: Help Sarah's fatass is crushing me!

Sarah: Are you kidding- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Amethyst: This is a raid! Everyone put your hands up!

Pearl: Calm down people, this isn't a raid.

Amethyst: Your right its a killing!(gets a gun and shoots)

Later once Amethyst was arrested everyone was severely injured by her gun and whip seed and by Garnets knuckle seed. And only one pikmin died which was 654. Well, he deserved it anyway.

Well it turned out!

During fricken training...

Jacob: Hi Isabella! So there's something want I ask fricken yo.

Isabella: Wat Dafak?

Jacob: Do you fricken love me?

Isabella: I love you Jacob every move you make you idiot!

Jacob: Thanks Isabella. Thanks.

Yo damn they kissed you!

Dagit: Yo damn that nasty!

Jacob: I'm gonna kill you fricken man!(kills)

Isabella: Holy Hell.

Chapter 11: yo fricken prophecy!

One boring other day Alph came with Grenador to bomb the Redmin unless they handed over the freakin prophecy.

Alph: Hand over the papaer!

Louie:(sighs) Okay.

Alph: Yes! The fruit is mine! And I got the cosmic drive key!  
Now we can git back to Koppai.

All of a sudden the candle light went out and someone grabbed the paper and jumped a 80 feet drop and hid it in a nectar egg invested with mitites.

Alph: What's happening?!

Olimar: AHHHHHHHH LATIITITITITITITITITIAAAAAAAHHHHHH.

Alph: Wat? Aaahu bccvvcxvncxg.

All of a sudden, it all made sense.

Then a reall stupid ass pikmin came in and yanked your face into a black hole where olimar crashed.

Chapter 12:  
ggatopiganonigalafagenolki

Alph was so freakin mad when we went back to theS.S Drake that he killed brittany. And when his radio started playing The alphabet he began to jammy out.

Help! He heard a pikmin scream so he stuck it in a barrel and rolled down the cliff with the radio.  
And of course the song played: galafa gunigf guy fffff jgffff. Giddy Gucci ggfffvgggg .bhbbvg ggggg bbbv buffo.

At the buried pond with Redmin...

Renee: Oh Lily I want to-

At that moment I saw Lily run up to Daniel and hug him. Daniel must have caught on and hugged her back. All of a sudden Lily responded back with a was nothing else to do. I sat on a ledge and thought about this. About 5 feet away I saw Charlie sitting there.

Renee: Hey Charlie.

Charlie: Oh, hey "pink leaf".

Charlie: I'm in a lot of stress so get away.

Renee: Okay. I was just trying to get away from my supposed to be girlfriend.

Charlie: So was I.

Renee: I was so close to getting her! But Daniel ruined it for me.

Charlie: I guess we're in the same situation. But there is one way to get them back.

Renee: How?

Charlie: As long as they aren't married, there is a chance.

Renee: (In srs voice) Lets do it.

FLASHBACK

Olimar: I'm gonna catch a blue pikmin today. Holy bun there it is! Go Sam!

Sam: Last catch you fr- Holy crap.

There sat a beautiful blue femin that any pikman had laid their stupid dumb eyes on.

Lily just sat their then she did a water attack! Okay since Sam is fighting, lets listen to my poem!

Was a pikmin, was a dude,

Was the one that's quite rude

Whan you see me, you run off.

When your near me, you would cough.

Now I know what you are thinking, but no I'm not a skunk, now read this fancy getup that is sure to give you spunk. Aah ya, ya, ya a skunk! Will give ya shaggy buns. Oh and when you do, don't come crying to me punk! Hey look there's a dame! She hot with plenty game. We all luggin- Okay enough of that lets just tell the story ok?

As soon as lily passed by the stupid rock pikmin,  
he felt his mind blow up.

Sam: Awooooooooooooooo!

Pikmar: Hey wait, she's my girl biatch!

Sam: Shut up and let me pass old man.

Pikmar: Fine tike her. I have mor work too doo anyways.

Renee: (sigh) Its no use dude. She's taken.

Sam: Hmm. Not for long... Not. For. Long.  
Bwaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!

Lily: (walks away) Oh hey Sam.

Sam: Uh, I got you this flower.

Olimar: Lily, Daniel, Sam! You guys are going to fly back to the tropical wilds and bring back each golden fruit in the area.

As they flew back Sam kept imagining Lily and him making out at the perplexing pools citadel of spiders.

1 year later...

DANIELS DIARY

I was happy as a pearly clam clamp. I loved Lily for years. But then she didn't love me. Then I was pissed as a bulbear.  
.

FLASHBACK

Sam: Come on Sam. (remembers) Oh shit that's it! (clears throat) YOU DO IT FOR HER-

I leaned against the door and saw a christmas miracle. Daniel and Lily vomited and began fighting while doing so.

Sam: IWANTTOHAVEARELATIONSHIPWITHYOU!

They both puked so hard that I thought I would have to sing the violence song. ;)

Chapter 13: The War of the Red ones

Our water ship troops shot the missiles as Pikmar controlled the onions war settings and shot missiles like BTD 5. Sam and Oplet led the team. Olimar and Louie stood safely in the onion.  
Louie stood looking out the back window of the onion to see Charlie there.

Charlie: You guys suuuuuuck.

Louie: What? Suuuuck? Do you mean awesome? 50 year olds are supposed to be smart.

Charlie: You ass.

Louie: Oh I'm sorry,sir, but if I wanted to hear an asshole talk, I would have farted. You see something else you like?

Louie asked while he wiped his butt cheeks on the glass.

Louie: Old freaking man?

Charlie: EXPLODES!…..

2 hours later, the red team won the war and it wasn't until the blue team regenerated would the pikmin fight again. So until that happens they'll sing the victory song. And keep the rhythm of ai no uta.

Gaia: La la la, la la la la la lati lati aaaa.

Pikmar: When we win a fight, we will gather, and love again,  
then we'll eat a snack, rub our backs, kiss again, and roll down hills again.

Daniel: And while I think alone, I'm in woe forever.

Pikmar: Just forget this whore, and win the war while you play Pikmin 3. Do do do-

Sam: Come on girls follow me, I'm riiiiich. And while yer at it lets make out aloney.

Blue pikmin: Aah, Aah. To fall in love,together under that sky.

All pikmin: La la la la la la la, la la.

And so the pikmin enjoy their lives peace fully while they cuss, kiss, and be drunk. I will also tell plasm wraith to drug you in your sleep and dreams.


End file.
